Tuesday, July 02, 2013

Go Big or Go Home

Dating as a 30-something single woman can sometimes be a comical prospect.

My generation of women was groomed by those who shattered the glass ceiling. While our grandmothers settled for secondary jobs or housework, our mothers learned in the 60s and 70s that they could do anything.

And they did.

And so they raised us to believe we could, too. And while the previous generation toiled while trying to have it all - the big house, the big job, the big family - today's modern era of Working Women 2.0 realize we don't want it all. Because it can't really be had all at once. It can't. There's just not enough of us to go around (unless you have help, and good on you if you do, but the rest of us don't).

So some of us have spent more time on the front end working on our careers, plotting strategic moves, investing in local civic efforts. We've made money, invested money, seen the world, won awards, fostered new ideas. We've used our time to do big things.

All that time has left us behind the curve where coupling up and having families is concerned.

And that's okay.

But just as we have high expectations for our professional and civic endeavors, we continue to hold on to stellar ideals for our male counterparts. Driven, adventurous, engaging - we expect our partners to see us and raise us in the poker game of success.

And that makes for a lot of weeding out. A few observations from real-life experiences that have been shared with me:

1. We are not sugar mamas. We do not want to take care of you, pick up every check, shower you with gifts and give you zero-limit credit cards, so please don't expect it. You are not on our personal payroll. It's not our job to wine-and-dine you.

2. We have our shit together, and you should, too. We are not here to mother you, encourage you, or push you. If your life isn't squared away, perhaps you should forgo the dating world to get your personal matters in order. Please do not enter a relationship with the expectation we will fix everything.

3. While men may incorrectly perceive us to be desperate because of our age and marital status, let me affirm it is quite the contrary. Please do not believe that our age and marital status are indications we're willing to settle for a relationship with just anyone. We have high ideals - if we didn't, we'd be hitched right now. Many of us ladies prefer singleness over a less-than-worthy relationship. See also: Duracell's annual sales figures.

4. We still believe in the old fashioned ideals of courtship. Yes, we modern women can slay dragons in the boardroom, but we still want to be wooed. Please do not believe forging a relationship with us is easy; you have to make an investment of time and effort to afford anything valuable, and what's more precious than love?

5. Anything worth anything takes work. Relationships require commitment and effort by both parties involved. If it was easy, there'd be far less divorce and far more happy couples. Don't take us for granted, don't take our interest for granted, and please don't take us for granted (so important it should be mentioned twice).

Every relationship is a gamble, but many single women (myself included) are willing to take our chances and hold out for the big win.

And until that happens, we are having a hell of a time on our own.

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Kate's Random Musings by Kate the Great is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.

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