Wednesday, October 26, 2005

...Oh, And One Of Those Schwinns With The Cool Streamers

Dear Birthday Fairy,

Hi, it's been a while since we've talked... but seeing as you're going to be visiting me soon, I figure I'll drop you a little ditty giving you a heads up on what I'd like.

I really liked the moose flannel PJs you sent my way a few years ago, but I don't think anything with cartoon figures is really appropriate for any woman kissing the final moments of her 20s, don't you?

I heart the above sweater. I found it on a website... It's called a "swancho" and it can be worn, like, a gazillion different ways. The boys (as in lefty Woodward and righty Bernstein) and I size up to be a large. Just an idea.

Other things on my birthday list:

A box of condoms. Nope, I really don't have many uses for 'em, but there's nothing like being prepared should I hit the motherload of lovin'.

A subscription to Esquire or GQ. I'd like a glimmer of some insight into what men are looking for. I've done it all, I've been it all. The only thing I haven't been is attached to someone wanting a real commitment.

A bag of 20s. This one comes highly recommended by my Honorary Big Sis. After years asking for it, she finally got one for Christmas. I figure, there's no time like the present to ask for some cold, hard cash.

Lip collagen. I've been using that special lip gloss (Pump 'Em Up by Sugar, if you must know) that gives my kisser a "stung by a bee" look. It works alright for about 15 minutes... then my lips look their usual self (my bottom lip is naturally a bit pouty, but the top could use a boost.) I hear guys go for the DSL look, so maybe a shot in lips is in order. Note to self: Tell doctor to stop before we get to the Goldie Hawn stage. Courtesy

I think I'd also like a live-in maid. I don't really have a spot for them to live, really, but I do generate enough of a mess to warrant the frequent attention. I've got a comfortable pull-out couch said maid could sleep on in between giving his or her (but preferably his) undivided attention to the dishes in my kitchen sink and the walk in closet that my bedroom has become. I really think I'm on to a new decorating style, what with all the clothing that covers my carpet like, well, a carpet. This live-in maid would have to survive on the scraps of food in my refrigerator and pantry and would never expect some kind of weekly, living wage. Oh, and any other "relations" would be considered a fringe benefit.

So, Birthday Fairy. These are just a few of my ideas. You've got plenty of time to round it all up before December 1st.

In the meantime, I'll be waiting, lips perfectly puckered in anticipation of their shot.

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