Tuesday, July 19, 2005

From Between The Synapses

Monday Afternoon:
So, right now I am enjoying the daylight that's wedged between my daily naps.

I held off on going to sleep the first time pretty well. Drove straight from work to my gym (one of those fancy ones with flat screens at every piece of cardio equipment, lots of marble tile in the locker rooms and my very own masseuse named Sven, complete with big, tanned guns and huge (I mean HUGE) hands.

Please, people. Let me at least enjoy that last one for a few minutes before you call me out.

Anyway. I made it to the gym this morning and somehow was inspired to work out Like a Mean Bitch for an hour and a half. You could wring my shirt out afterwards, and somehow getting all hot and sweaty like that is so satisfying. It's great to know you can push your body a little bit and it will still survive.

I've decided I should start working out BEFORE work (meaning going there probably around 8:30 - 9:00 PM and then just showering there) so after doing my hard time on the elliptical and the treadmill, I decided to go get some supplies.

I walked into the Hyde Park Kroger voted Cincinnati's nicest grocery store because a) It's the fanciest b) The people are the prettiest and c) Almost every car in the parking lot is German. Including mine, but those of you who know me know that really doesn't mean a whole lot when we're talking about the Jetta and instantly felt like I was on an early 90's game show.

Cue the announcer: "How many groceries can Kate spend without going over the cash in her purse?"

I'm watching my pretty pennies (and even a few of the ugly ones) because I'm heading back to Vegas in just about one month, and let's face it: Cincinnati's a great town, but I'd rather live it up in Sin City than I would in a town that pretty much made a name for itself through protests at a Mapplethorpe exhibit.

But back to the jingle in my Seatbelt Purse...

So I had something like 34 bucks in my purse and really only went to the store to buy one thing: Mustache Bleach. Not for my face, silly. I lucked out and am very fair skinned and don't have those kinds of things to worry about. My middle sister, well, that's another story. She was always the pretty one growing up and I was always the smart one. The only drawback she had to her stunning beauty was her dark facial hair. My sister was a cheerleader, dated the quarterback of the football team and had everything else that goes with having a charmed life in high school.

I felt so bad for her when one time I was riding the boy's lacrosse bus to a game (I was the team manager. They loved my cupcakes) and one asshole player started commenting on her hirsutistic growth above the lips. I defended her honor, the good sister I was (we have a rule: we can trash eachother, but God help the person who rags on a sister to another).

To this day his name is mud at Christmas dinners.


I decided to stock up on a few neccessities, like skim milk, peaches, Special K and a new toothbrush. I also needed some lunch supplies (you can't really get take out when you eat lunch at 2:00 AM) like those Campbell Soup at Hand things and little applesauce cups.

You should have seen me in the aisles, comparing prices. So retarded. I think if you had woken me from one of my eternal drunken stupors back three or four years ago and told me how my life would be faring at at 28, I think I would have taken another swig of Cuervo.

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