Wednesday, March 28, 2007

The Great Ennui

Sometimes I struggle to find inspiration.

And that's when I turn to the internet.

This guy has a list of 100 random blog topics to springboard from. Everything from the far-out random Who's your favorite figure skater? to the more controversial and yet alluring If you could ask George Bush five questions, what would they be?

Thoughts abound with that last one.

Instead, I am going to blog about #44.

"Do you own a TV and if you do and you meet someone who doesn't, how arrogant are they?"

This is a somewhat perplexing question because I don't know that I've met anyone who exhibited arrogance over their sans-tv lifestyle.

I have, however, met those bowled over with their own, massive, could-stand-in-for-the-jumbotron-at-the-ballpark kind of television.

My perspective on televisions is a little unique.

I make my living thanks to the boob tube, as my grandfather liked to call it.

I happen to have three of those little boob tubes in my small apartment. A good sized tv sits in the living room, along with my $30 DVD player. I've got another UHF/VHF rotary dial, traditional set in the kitchen that's just big enough to have a decent picture but small enough that I can set on the toilet seat to watch Desperate Housewives while I'm taking a bubble bath.

Now, if that isn't delicious, I don't know what is.

My third set is a hand-me-down from my sister, Bridge. She got it as a reward for good grades when she was, like, eight years old. I, on the other hand, was banished from watching The Cosby Show/Family Ties/Growing Pains etc. for a good six years or so because my grades were never good enough.

But I digress.

This third TV is in my bedroom. The remote control is held together with two rubber bands and I often have to get out of my bed and smack the bitch television upside the head for the waves and revolving streaks to settle.

Obviously television quality doesn't rate very high on my list of priorities.

And here's the kicker about this whole thing: I don't have cable.

That's right.

I am a credible news woman and I don't even have a way to watch CNN. I really don't know what I'd do if I was stuck at home on a Sunday and a quasi-major news event erupted. I would be relegated to watching a Robert Schuller broadcast from the Crystal Cathedral or some cheesy infomercial starring Ron Popiel.

All I'm asking is someone calls me when the second coming of Christ happens.

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