Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Look Before You Leap (Or Sit)

I really hate it when I end up with another woman's pee on my leg.

Men, you probably have no idea what I'm talking about. You pee standing up and aim in a hole with a pretty wide berth. But ladies... you ladies who hover without mastery - shame on you.

Your mediocrity ends up on the seat, and ergo, my leg. Or bum.

Last night, my friend and I ended up taking refuge from the summer storms of late in a chic watering hole in Mt. Lookout. There he was, sipping on his fancy white wine, and me with my "saketini" when a giant storm rolled through the little hamlet.

Torrential downpour. Jagged lightning bolts striking beyond the flat pane glass. Flickering wall sconces. We decided we weren't going anywhere for a while.

Not knowing our fates, I decided to get in a quick trip to the ladies' room.

My haste did not afford time to inspect the seat. We were in an upscale venue, and I assumed the bathroom facilities were well maintained.

Well, you know what happens when you assume.

I didn't necessarily make an ass of myself, but I did get someone else's pee on my ass, and that just might be worse. I am certainly not a fan of collecting bodily fluids from strangers, and certainly not from a toilet seat.


Ladies. Ladies. Should you ever choose to hover over a toilet seat, please first assess the situation. Ask yourself: Is this a dirty bathroom? Am I even proficient in hovering, or am I a sloppy pisser? If I do end up dribbling, am I a decent enough human being to wipe up my own urine?
If you answer yes to the above (well, yes to the first part of question two), then you are allowed to pee while squatting. You are allowed to take your chances and refrain from sitting on the seat.

But God help you if you pee on the seat and leave it there for the next gal.

Because karma's a bitch and your fate's gonna be far shittier than mine.

Kate's Random Musings by Kate the Great is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.


Mary Alice said...

Well put! You know what irks me? When ladies don't clean up at work. At work! Where you have to face the person who goes in behind you.

TGirsch said...

I've never understood why this is, but women are WAY messier in bathrooms than men. At least if my experience in several jobs where I had to clean the restrooms was any indication at all. I'm not saying that men are saints or super-clean -- they're not, by any means -- just that women somehow manage to be far worse.

What intrigues me (and this is purely anecdotal) is it seems to me that women are much more meticulous about their OWN bathrooms than men are about theirs, but in public restrooms, the opposite seems to be true.

Why? No clue.