Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Settling Down or Just Settling

Sometimes I feel like my friends are planning an all-out offensive on my singlehood.

"What about XXXX? He's a nice guy. Have you ever thought of him?" It's not the kind of email I expect from a Council Member-Elect (who also happens to be a dear friend), but I'll take it.

Last Friday night, the Newport Posse combed over my dating history to consider prospects from the past as we noshed on cocktails and the best tacos in town (side note: I suggest the pork belly. Hands down).

My relationship status has gone through a transition of sorts as of late. I am traveling solo these days, and my closest friends are ready and willing to offer up suggestions and strategy to turn me into a +1.

Our conversation at Nada meandered down memory lane and future inroads quite frenetically.

B: "Remember that guy? That guy! What was his name, M? Remember him? He came over for dinner to our house once."
M: "But B. What about that guy you know? You know the one. He has the kids? Katy, is it okay if he has kids? B., he loves volunteering, so does she! It's a perfect match."
B: "But that guy. The one? He liked outdoor stuff? What about that one? Remember the guy?"
M: "Or what about one of the twins, B? Not the player twin, but the other twin? Wouldn't he be nice? The nice twin? They'd go great together. Really great."
B: "But what about that guy?!"

It's easy to read that conversation in a Yiddish dialect, but I promise these folks are Xers who used to live in L.A.

Sometimes I think a Yenta would be far easier than some of the other modern devices. Plenty of Fish. eHarmony. At one time or another, I've tried them all, and I insist on holding the line on my standards.

And I guess that's the rub some 30-something women (and perhaps men) face.

Settle down by settling.

As my dear friends kibitzed over carnitas as to whether my standards are high (and brought up an entirely different blog topic related to birth control, women who get around, and "The Sisterhood" of years gone by), I stood my ground and insisted that I'd rather stay alone than sacrifice who I am for the sake of getting married.

"I'm not going to move into a split-level and start eating at Applebee's!" I exclaimed in a conversation with my mother later that weekend.

And there's absolutely nothing wrong with split-levels and Applebee's. I know very nice people who live in split-levels and eat at Applebee's.

They're both just a huge departure from how I currently live, my preferences and how I see my future.

And I guess that's my point.

I want to find a man who can compliment what I've already got going on in my universe. I don't want to have to scrap what I've been working on for years to accommodate a situation that isn't quite right.

I don't want to compromise too much, find myself tied down, disappointed and longing for a dissolution.

That's a recipe for disaster for everyone involved.

So, I plod along the already existing circles of myself, firmly believing that someone else's orbit will compliment mine beautifully. It's only a matter of time until we meet.

And when we do, we can smash the glass, yell "L'chaim" and pour champagne for everyone.

Man, my Catholic church is in for some surprises regarding wedding traditions.

Creative Commons License
Kate's Random Musings by Kate the Great is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.

1 comment:

Julie said...

Cheers to you and not settling - it can and will happen! Happy Thanksgiving!