Wednesday, November 24, 2004

If I had 10 Million Dollars

Well, I would buy you a green dress... but not a real green dress 'cause that's cruel. - Bare Naked Ladies

I was blog hopping when I found someone posing the question... what would you do with a wad of cash that jingled to the tune of ten million smackers?

Let me pick my jaw up off the floor.

If someone handed me that much money, I probably would spend a few moments in utter disbelief... then I'd hightail it out of this hell hole I fondly call work. I think I'd sing and wave to my work friends... and then I'd just be too darn busy to even give my immediate notice. My assistant (doesn't that much cash come with a little help?) would be good for that, and I'd expressly tell my personal helper to give a nice, smarmy smile to the General Manager while explaining how a legal team is "As we speak..." looking into the laws of mental cruelty and unusual treatment of employees and how "these kinds of conditions just must be breaking a law somewhere, sweetie." (I envision a personal assistant along the lines of Flo from Alice, complete with the gum smacking and the sweet talkin' insults.)

Then I'd drive my beat up little car (shameless promotion to another post) to the nearest Mercedes Benz dealership and pay sweet-mother-to-God cash for a CLK 430 convertible. Color: Big Pimpin' Black with a sound system so loud you'd hear me 3 blocks away... and flat screen tvs for every seat... even on the back headrests a la "Pimp My Ride."

Sooo ghetto.

I'd most definitely call my family... don't know if that would happen immediately after being handed the cash... or after the melee at the office, en route to the dealership. They'd hop on to private jets waiting at the nearest airports... where they'd be whisked away (I don't think my family has ever been whisked away to anything) to Bermuda... the scene of our collective second favorite family vacation.

My parents would receive the good news they'd be able to keep the family home, which they are planning on selling this coming summer (the Northeast is just too expensive for most retired folks), and I'd promise to put my youngest sister through school. I'd buy my middle sister and her husband a new home in the Atlanta area. Outside of that, I'd set up trust funds for my two sisters, something they'd be able to cash in on once they hit 30 (don't want them living high off the hog too soon and missing out on learning a good work ethic.) Money really has a way of ruining people, so I'd be cautious to spoil my family.

I'd take my own advice and turn over a majority of the cash to a financial advisor. Other than buying myself a home in Lexington and starting a little PR consulting firm (okay... and muzzling my way into on-the-court UK basketball season tickets), I'd most likely invest the rest and donate some cash to my favorite charities: MADD, American Cancer Society and some Catholic based charity.

Finally, I'd buy a new cell phone because mine is like, 2 years old, a new pair of tennis shoes because the ones I wear are older than the years Bush has sat in the Oval Office, and I'd get a nice North Face winter coat.

The fact that those few, trivial items are my big "needs" right now is enough for me to realize I am already incredibly blessed.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Hello Miss.....there is a lady out here...she says her name 's Polly and she is here for the job.