Monday, November 01, 2004
My Dirty Little Secret
I have something I must confess: no one knows about my blog.
Well, not "no one," because if you're reading this then you know about it, and I'm thrilled you do. But you don't really know who I am... and for some reason I feel reasonably safe airing all my dirty laundry for all the Web to see. It's just those other people that I worry about.
By "other" I mean my family, co-workers, certain friends, folks I go to church with. The list is endless of people I'd rather not spill the beans to about katesrandommusings.blogspot.com. I've disclosed my little secret of internet publishing to a couple friends who take me for both the good and the bad, but I haven't breathed a word of it to either of my sisters (who are so normal they'd think me very weird for blogging). I haven't told my parents because, as tame as this is, there are perhaps a few juicy details (or colorful descriptions) I'd rather not tell them about.
My blog is basically a literary playground for my mind to exercise and romp on (or in), and I like it like that. No need to censor, erase scandalous posts or otherwise mediate the verbal ooze that seeps from my cranium.
Someone recently asked for my web address. It was this guy I've started corresponding to because of one of those zany internet dating sites. We've probably exchanged 6 or 7 lengthy emails apiece, so he has a good sense of who I am, but I don't think I'm at a point to share my blog with him. Is that bad? I feel both mysterious and selfish for not giving him the link, after all... you all read my blog and you have no flipping idea who I really am. This guy's kind of in the same boat. If he passed me on the street, I dare say he wouldn't even realize it. Still... there's a glimmer of hope the two of us will step away from our respective keyboards and meet face to face, and for that reason I'm a little guarded about my internet journal.
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I totally understand how you feel! I think many Bloggers do in fact. No one I know in person reads my blog. When I write on All that Jazz, I'm writing my deepest thoughts, and emotions crazy as they are. One of the reasons I like having my blog is because its a place to express myself without being guarded, without worrying about being judged by those who know the "real" me.
If you're seriously considering meeting this guy, I see nothing wrong with wanting to keep your blog a secret from him. You may want to write a post about him someday!
Having people you know read your blog definitely censors your writing. I know who has my blog address and therefore know that there are certain things I don't want aired as public knowledge. But my friends know my crazy personality and chaotic lifestyle so I don't fear their judgement. My parents/family/co-workers on the other hand, none of them are privy to my dirty little secret. My boyfriend on the other hand, reads daily, however I am most comfortable with this. Giving this guy your blog will bring him into your head and to see the true you. SOmething we sometimes have a hard time doing. But not giving it to him is also perfectly fine, if you treat this like a journal... you wouldn't let him read your diary would you?
Considering the content of my blog, and the holy-roller apoplexy it would bring about if brought to the attention of most of my kinfolk, there's no way in Hell I'd reveal its address to them. What's sad is that there's a novel there that's submitted for publication, and if it's accepted and published, that's something else I'm likely to keep from them for life. What you do is up to you, but I think most of us want or need more privacy than we're willing to admit.
Best suggestion: Get a webpage on Geocities or something and publish things there that you don't mind others knowing, and don't link it here, and shazam, you have a site to share.
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