Wednesday, January 25, 2006

Help Wanted

Management reserves the right to make changes and alterations as she sees fit.

Man needed. Must fit following requirements. Preferably older than 28 although some concessions will be made depending on the applicant's qualities. No older than 45. Must have steady, somewhat professional job. People with careers in the arts or something else less "professional" also considered. Minimum wage earners need not apply. Preferably taller than 6' tall, and a special consideration will be made for those who are 6'3". Those with a kind heart who are 5'7" will also be considered but must be able to compensate in other areas. See below. Must be good with money. That does not necessarily mean applicant must have lots of money, rather, those interested must be responsible with their finances, as management is not in a position to be in charge of all financial enterprises. Must be funny. Not funny in a gross or immature way, more like quick with a witty joke or tale. Must have a gregarious streak, as management has a somewhat "big" personality and is not interested in an applicant who would be eclipsed, so to speak. Must also be insightful and retrospective, as management also has a streak of reflection and reservedness. Must love kids. Must want to have kids. Must also love already existing family members. Applicant must be interested in the arts. Theatre, museums, music and other genres included. Those interested in applying must also like sports. May or not currently play sports, but past experience is a bonus. Kentucky Wildcat fans may be offered immediate promotion. Must be faithful. Management has certain goals to attain and is seeking specific qualities, see above remarks regarding children and family. Must be religious, preferably Catholic. Connection to one's spirituality is a top requirement. Applicant must have a current Passport. Management will consider those coping with wanderlust and other ailments typical of those battling the travel bug. Those interested in said position must also like food. Good food. Management is quite experienced at both eating and cooking and requires an applicant who is the same. Skills at entertaining are also a top priority. Applicants must be successful at opening champagne bottles, grilling steaks and witty repartee. Candidate must have a soft touch both with hands and heart. Must be a good lover, both physically and otherwise. Must be adventurous. Must enjoy putting suntan lotion on Management during summer months and other occasions (see travel comments above). Those interested in applying must like fast cars, and must be able to drive a stick shift. Applicants must be smart. Not necessarily MENSA smart, but must have a four year degree from reputable college/university. Applicants must also have a passing interest in fashion. Familiarity with current seasonal lines not a requirement, but must at least know the directions and have some familiarity with the inside of a GAP and Banana Republic. Brooks Brothers a plus.

Those interested in applying may email Kate directly.

3 comments:

Cheers said...

I think the candidate you seek enjoys Chianti and will be out on Thursday evening.

Nat said...

Would it be too much to ask if once you found him you could find out if he has a friend?

Kate The Great said...

Cheers. Well, we saw Nick Linz of Amazing Race fame, but he was on the short side. And then there was Number 17, but his reputation preceeds himself.

Nat - Absolutely. Even better if he's a brother!