Wednesday, December 20, 2006

Calling All Men

Hey fellas.

While you all were watching football, my kind decided to have an annual Global Sisterhood of Femininity meeting in the shoe section at Macy's. We held a vote and it was determined that someone had to tell y'all what to buy us girls for Christmas.

I was assigned that heavy duty, so here goes.

1) We want something special under the Christmas tree. No blenders. No vacuums. We do not want anything boring or necessary like tires for Christmas. No. No. No.

It is quite likely World War III will erupt (or at the very least, we will break up with you) if you give us those kinds of presents.

2) We especially invite you to buy us gifts that we really really want but would never buy ourselves. Things that are sparkly and shiny or good smelling. Things that make us wanna sing Man, I feel like a woman just like Shania Twain when she wears that top hat and corset.

3) No matter how much we reluctantly say we would love to have a stripper pole installed in the basement, we really hate that idea. Really. We realize that's probably the kind of gift that would keep on giving for you, and so that's why we say we'd agree to a gift like that. Also included in this rule: gifts from Hustler or Fredericks of Hollywood. The Victoria's Secret Clause is an exception (but only by a narrow margin).

4) Every chick is impressed by something that's really nice. Tiffany. Chanel. Prada. These are good places to start - there are lots of options to consider. Most luxury brands offer a variety of goods including jewelry, fragrances, scarves, leather goods. Maybe your gal is a Smell Good type. Maybe she'd prefer a great day planner. Just pick a big name and go from there.

These are some simple suggestions you all should consider when buying members of the Sisterhood a gift for the holidays.

Follow this advice and Peace on Earth is sure to spread for weeks to come.

5 comments:

Nat said...

I myself have been at the receiving end of a few bad gifts. I used to get music DVD's of bands my husband liked. Unwrapped. Or one year in college my then BF decided I really needed the old chocolate in the heart shaped box & teddy bear standby for V-day. Eww. Not to forget that the engagement ring I picked out was definitely NOT the one I ended up with. Vee once got a fake plant for Valentines day - or, maybe it was that it had carnations in one of those basket arrangements. Eww. Why, pray tell is it so bloody hard for a man to catch on to the fact that when we say we want X we don't mean Y?

t2ed said...

While snow tires are really romantic, you can never go wrong with joo-rey. And if you ask for something practical, you better cough up something romantic on top of that.

Women math means that when you say X, we need to give you X + Y!

And Y = sparkly & shining

Nat said...

T2ed, I really like the way you think.

t2ed said...

Forget all that jewelry talk. I finally found the gift that all women want.

http://www.walmart.com/catalog/product.do?product_id=4016523

Denae said...

i know it takes the fun out of it but i usually go pick out and perhaps buy the gift i want. he can pay me back. at least i get something better than new sweat pants with the nice elastic bands at the bottom