Saturday, August 22, 2009


I am my last priority.

The to-do list is full of work obligations, personal commitments and social engagements. I am quick to say Sure, I'll help you or Yes, I'd love to come or Absolutely, I can work on that, and through it all, I fail to do many things for me.

Life creates these moments, and they distract me from taking care of my own obligations. Sure, John Lennon said, "Life is what happens when you're making other plans," and for the most part, I'd agree. Life is found in the nuances of our day. Life is not the plot of the story, it's the lines and words written in each act.

And while I realize that all of my work and volunteering and socializing makes up the essence of my life, I sometimes wonder if my life would be better if I said yes less and no more.

So, what would I do if I had more time for *me*?

For starters, I'd commit to a body renovation.

My diet and exercise regime (or lack thereof) would be significantly impacted if I had more time to work out and dine in.

Speaking of dining in, I'd put my 30+ cookbook collection to good use. I'd make time to savor the flavors of my own food, rather than those I discover at dining spots around town. I'd put my fingers in the dirt and try to grow some of the fruits and vegetables and herbs needed to craft my culinary creations.

I would make more moments with the people I love.

Time would be used to nurture the relationships that are most important to me. Rather than giving my days and evenings willy nilly to just about anyone, I'd reserve my prime time for family and my closest friends. Phone calls to say hello and I love you wouldn't wait until tomorrow. Instead, I'd make a point of calling those folks I care about the moment they cross my mind.

I'd clean my hovel. Instead of waiting for the fairies or Mary Poppins to breeze through and make my space spic and span, I'd dig out the mop and vacuum and go to town on a mess that's months in the making. I would use my time to appreciate my space and give my home the respect it's due.

I would make the time to find love.

Sometimes I feel like my life is too busy for a relationship. People ask me how I'm able to keep up my grueling schedule, and I tell them it's possible because I don't have a husband or children. I know full well I'd give up a bunch of my obligations in a new york minute for the love of my life, and sometimes wonder if I need to sit still and wait for the sting of Cupid's arrow.

I know the guy's been at it for an eternity, but even he must struggle with accuracy when a target is moving as quickly as me.

I would read. Not Let's glance at the headlines and have a rough understanding of today's worldly events read, but Pour a glass of iced tea, sit on a porch and let the pages fly through your fingers as your brain transports you to another place and time read. I would finally get through the copy of the Warren Commission Report kept in my bathroom for unusual reading material. I'd re-read Great Expectations and The Great Gatsby and The Scarlet Letter and all the other books I enjoyed as a kid. I would get the Sunday New York Times and read every. damn. word.

I'd read the Bible.

And I'd go to church.

As much as I believe I have a solid relationship with God, I sometimes wonder if I'm missing out on anything since I started skipping Mass a few years ago. I certainly don't think spirituality and religion have a mutually exclusive relationship, but I guess going through the paces and attending a service now and then can be good for a person - if for no other reason than having a moment to appreciate life and all its gifts.

Looking at this list of would-be to-dos makes me realize it's time for a change. I know these goals run the gamut from logical to lofty, but I suppose great change can only come from a million tiny steps.

It's time for me to start taking a few more steps in the direction of Me.

I'll bet you dollars to doughnuts that I won't be sitting in a pew at St. Mary's tomorrow morning.

But I just might muster up the energy to take out the garbage.

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Kate's Random Musings by Kate the Great is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.

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