Yes, this post is for you. You, as in Yoohoo, I know you're reading this.
You as in you've been reading this practically daily since, oh, late June. Like I said before, I know, because of my IP tracker.
The only reason why I'm writing this here is because I've got a lot of unfinished business that I'd like to say to you and I'm guessing this is the only way I can communicate things with you. Things that zip through my mind at random times and I think to myself Gosh, I wish I had a way to get that off my chest and make you know how I really feel.
Because even though I can be a cool chick and take everything inside, I end up bottling a lot of stuff up just because I want to appear so perfect and calm and okay with the way things end up happening to me.
And most of the time I am. Okay with the way things happen to me, that is. Because I know I'm in control of my destiny and happiness and blah-blah-blah about a bunch of other stuff relating to my place in the world.
But I'm not in control of what other people do, how other people respond in this great big world. And most of the time when people crap on me, I take it because that's the kind of person I am. I take it and I really don't bitch and complain, and I just go on and wait for the next challenge life throws me.
But I'm not going to take your crap. And that's what you did to me, crap on me, I mean.
And since I'm beginning to think your final exchange with me was full of more shit than sincerity, here it is. My feelings online in a blaze of glory.
I told you initially that I'm pretty much a straight shooting chick and I was willing to take one one the chin for the sake of honesty.
You replied with your litany of reasons and so on and so forth with the conciliatory I want to get to know you better later yadda yadda yadda.
The thing that really makes me fired up about this situation though is how you essentially blamed me for something you by rights claim equal ownership to (I know this may be a bit cloudy for you outsiders, but you'll just have to indulge me here). You put part of the onus of our parting on something that you are equally guilty of, and that's just shitty.
So here it is, my big finish:
I think you're a coward. It took first days of waiting and then my prodding for an explanation before I realized things were essentially over.
Dude, that's so sixth grade.
In general, men appear to operate on a maturity curve not parallel to women their same age. And that's why I typically don't date younger men.
In the future, I suggest you approach the women you date immediately when you have waning interest. Do not, I repeat DO NOT have said conversation over dinner, like the intentions you indicated in your correspondence.
In the future, be honest with the women you date about the status/your intentions/the circumstances. Do not give them some bull shit about how you want to get to know them at a later time or how you gave it a go because it was, well, them.
And in the future, please do not read my blog. It really bothers me that you are still curious (see below post) about the things I reveal here. If you have the time to read my blog as frequently as you do, then you certainly have enough time to call someone you're starting to date.
And time to call them and tell them what's up.
I am fairly certain I wouldn't feel so jilted or disrespected if you had handled this situation differently. I am also fairly certain a particular friend of mine wouldn't feel so shitty about encouraging the possibility of us.
And I am definitely certain I would come away believing you are a far better person than the person I think you really are.