Friday, September 22, 2006

With a Chaser, Please

It started out young.

I was always the girl who chased boys on the playground. I remember running around the blacktop, on the playground that had a map of the contiguous US on it, sprinting after a little boy named Whitney. Yes, he was a real live boy named after some family in the South (hence the name), and he had the most beautiful blue eyes and blond hair I have ever seen on a child.

And, oh, how I loved him.

Every time I heard Whitney Houston sing "How Will I Know?" I would think about Playground Whitney. How will I know if he really loves me? I say a prayer with every heartbeat... Running through my head as I ran on the pavement in my brown Girl Scout uniform, hoping to catch him. But I never would.

Things haven't changed that much.

These days I exercise more conservative decision making when it comes to who and whether I will actually hit the playground full speed ahead. I've learned what rejection tastes like and I've decided I much prefer the flavor of the savory tater tots they served in the cafeteria in grade school. Analogy time: Sometimes when you chase - you get your knees skinned. It goes with the territory if you're going to be balls out about a risky situation. Other times you get tater tots: something that tastes good for a while but doesn't really have much substance, and doesn't really keep you satisfied.


I recently had my moment of closure with someone whom I didn't chase. John and I had dinner this week since he is moving to Columbus and our chance to visit will be greatly diminishing. After dinner, we kind of deduced the evening was our Big Goodbye. There was one point (and I may be completely wrong here) where I felt like maybe John was trying to open up the chapters of the past, but I told him I was pretty much sold on the idea of Over. Once someone tells a girl he just doesn't like her in that way, he pretty much can't go back on that - 'cause she won't let him. At least if she's smart.

I guess you could say I'm a "one strike - yer out" kind of girl.

I'm torn from time to time: Do I chase, or do I be chased? Do I sack up and play the fool when my chasing isn't so reciprocated? Or do I sit dormant and just wait for the fleeting moments when I want to chase back someone who is chasing me?

God, is this making any sense?

Blogging friend t2ed is a wealth of dating knowledge. He sometimes rattles off the most amazing posts to help people (girls/guys clueless/intheknow) figure out how to maneuver through the Sea of Singlehood.

I guess I should just keep listening to the people who know what they're talking about, because I have no effin' clue.

And I hate getting skinned knees.


t2ed said...

Me? Know what I'm talking about?

I'd also like to help you invest your personal accumulated wealth in a powerful multi-tiered marketing program. After we dedicate your recently purchased bridge.

I actually have a casserole recipe that includes tater tots. Mom (and the marketing types at Ore-Ida) would be so proud.

Thank you anyway for your kind words regarding my "Unsolicited Advice for Women" Series.

If I can just manage to confuse one more person somewhere, sometime, I will have succeeded in not being confused alone.

NB-C said...

I've always held to the belief that women should have a bit rabbit dog in should chase for a while and then wait. Chase and then wait. Or, you could always wait to be chased and then fall on purpose. Skinning said knees and acting like you twisted your ankle...kinda like in all those Friday the 13th movies.

Patience my'll be in the hunt again.

Unknown said...

For as long as I remember my Mother has men following her like the Pied-Piper, including my Father.

She's a little aloof, a little flirtatious, and a whole lot of unavailable.

I've learned well from the Master, and from what I've seen, even if you do get them by chasing them, as soon as that girl playing hop-scotch in the corner gives them a subtle wink, they will be off to chase them.

Never chase. The pretending to fall down analogy is perfect.

Jeregano said...

For me I have to say that I have always been terrible at reading subtle signals, such as the subtle wink. I always assume it is not what I might think/hope it is. This means that I need a more obvious sign like being chased a little. Then I know I have the green light to chase a little myself. So, at least for dense guys like me, I think NB-C is right, chase then wait.

Kate The Great said...

N- I think you might be on to something. Girls with guts are a good thing.

KJ- For about three years now, I've been apprehensive about the whole chasing thing. Chasing in desperation is a bad thing. But chasing to let a guy know you're interested? That's I guess where I struggle.

J- I think you touched on something I wonder about. What if the guy I'm in to is dense? What if he's shy? What if he's oblivious to my affections? Does that warrant chasing?

So many questions, really no firm answers though...