Friday, September 17, 2004

Baby Got (no) Back

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Sin City is temporarily on hiatus... stay tuned!!
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I have a confession. I've got no ass.

It's not so much a confession really, since it's very apparent to the world (or at least the half of the world behind me.) But this external pronouncement is somehow an admission of inadequacy in my book.

The thing that separates women from men are their curves. The slight roundness about the hip or the fullness of an ample bosom are two such signifying characteristics. So is a ghetto booty.

I ain't got no ghetto booty.

J-Lo's posterior makes me so jealous.

It's the kind of thing men look at and want to grab on to. Jennifer Lopez's butt even has it's own theme song (okay, so Sir Mix-A-Lot's "Baby Got Back" was several years early), whereas my ass is more reminiscent of the 10,000 Maniacs tune "The Earth Pressed Flat."

Until now.

There must be other girls with my same dilemma, because a special website is offering relief for flat asses everywhere.

It's called Love My Bubbles and these are their leg bands.

They boost the bum and give us ultra white girls a little more junk in the trunk. A boost for the caboose. A rise in the rump.

So next time you see a really great ass walking around, especially in Lexington, Kentucky, introduce yourself.

It might be me ;)

3 comments:

Michael said...

Reading your comment about your lack of booty got my mind wandering.

Earlier you spoke of the issue in Vegas with dancing man and the ever wandering hand. I can really understand your issue there. Once upon a time, I went with some friends to a country/western bar/dance club and was participated in the barn dance. Well, it was a slow night so you got to go around the circle a few times. There was an older-than-me woman there who the first time I danced with, she put her arm around the waist...second time, around the waist only lower...third time...full buttock cupping.

I am NOT a piece of meat, I'm thinking! Anyway, after the barn dance concludes, I head off the floor and tell my friends about this...and one guy who came with us was pissed cause no one grabbed his butt.

I tell ya....

Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah....I was saying that based on the experience you had, your booty was obviously quite tempting to reach out and touch. You'd be fighting men off with a baseball bat if you had a J. Lo booty, my friend. :-)

blues mama said...

I always hated the way my butt bubbled out like that - wanted one that seamlessly blended into my thighs like my bigger-hipped girlfriends had....no hips for me, sadly, and not much of a waist either - and if I could get butt implants I'd be a happy happy woman - but my husband likes my little bubble butt the way it is, so there you go. What woman is ever truly happy with what's she's got? I have girlfriends who envy me my legs and I envy them their hips and we both envy someone else their boobs or their toned arms or whatever. It's pretty sad, really.

Anonymous said...

I've tried these things and I love them...the Bubbles. Hard to explain how they do what they do, butt they do it well!

thanks for turning me on to them!
devo