Tuesday, September 21, 2004

Suffering With The Stockholm Syndrome

Is it masochistic... or a coping mechanism?

It's when you grow attached to the very people who are abusing you, and I think I've got a bad case of it.

I am finding myself becoming attached to the same folks who have, in the past, been very mean to me at work.

Does it mean they're wearing me down? Does it mean they're becoming nicer? Does it mean I'm a sucker?

How have I come to accept (and even become fond of) the same people who make me cry?


Pink Poppy said...

Oh, Kate...precious...it's probably all of the above. This is one of those moments when I would like to refer you to the fifth chapter in my book, which is of course impossible since it's still UNPUBLISHED! Aaarrgghh!

Anyway, it's SUCH a dance to survive at work with people like this and yet maintain your dignity and your sanity!

I'm swamped with numerous diversions today (including WORK and two different board meetings), but I will try to respond more fully on my site today or tonight. But as I am writing this, one of my VERY favorite Tall Poppies, Maya Angelou, is on The Today Show. I want to share with you two of my favorite thoughts from Ms. Angelou:

1) "When someone shows you who they are, BELIEVE THEM!" I always say that, as JFK once said, You have to forgive (otherwise, it'll eat you alive), but you should NEVER forget.

2) Maya Angelou never invites those who have offended her or her friends or family into her home. If someone is being offensive in her home, she asks them to leave. Immediately. She just doesn't tolerate those with destructive tendencies who would "pollute" her home...her refuge. My translation of this principle? Life is just TOO short...

Don't hold grudges against those poor people who build themselves up by tearing you down, but don't allow yourself to be their target, either. Not only will it make YOU feel badly to put up with that sort of treatment, but it makes bystanders feel like you're a sucker or pansy, too. Others won't ever respect you ANY MORE than you respect yourself. Smile, say "Hello" and MOVE ON! They're Weeds and not worth much more of your time.

shara said...

Used to work for a couple I called the "Computer Nazis" who had an abusive relationship that spilled over into the office - their home life was the template for their managerial style - took it for a couple of years, was a single parent & afraid to quit for that reason - but now when I look back I am amazed at what I let myself tolerate and if the me I am now was in that same position, I wouldn't last two minutes without kicking some serious boss ass.